I’ve been having a few strange days, days where I miss the sunny side of the place I used to call home. And I keep wondering why I’m not there on a sunday like these, on a park, just laying around with some friends because it’s sunny and waiting for lunch.
Once, after snapping out of being quite a horrid person to a girl I knew, she told me that, despite how nasty I had been, she felt secure in the fact that, deep down, I was a good person. I didn't felt like that, I was, and still am, deeply ashamed. I don't know what make me be that kind of person, what made me behave like a bully. I've no excuse for that except that being a teenager was one of my worst moments, that growing into an adult and into my character and body was a struggle of helplessness, of anger and that I clung to any kind of power I could muster as a way to fight the fact that I was drowning. I do not mistake this as an excuse, just a mere explanation of a mindset.
Now, I treasure her words, which must have cost her more than I could imagine, because they felt sincere, and I try to be as good a person as she thought I was. I'm still brash and direct and my filter sometimes disappears between my brain and my mouth, but I try to move around with that moral compass she was sure I had.
And when I see real gentleness and kindness I do my utmost to appreciate it as much as cleverness and intelligence. And that's why when I see my sister-in-law I see beauty. She's clever, smart, pretty and, more important than that, kind in a level that anyone should aspire to be. Her honesty and kindness glow from within.
Western Australia (February 1024)
So… I'm actually building a sort of magazine, where I can curate and post things that I think try to fit a certain way of living, more conscious, more thoughtful, and, I'm thinking on making series on film and film photographers, so I might send to all of you an email asking if you would like to answer some questions and the like.
The site is called Wilhelm & Matilda (it's being changed and constructed constantly to find the best way to communicate and share), and if you wanted to answer my questions it would be amazing!
Nullarbor (February 2014)
It's been quite a while since I wrote anything here (or visited any other blogs), life has been interesting (to say the least) and tumblr seems an easy solution for quick blogging. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm in London looking for a job and getting used to the fact that there's almost 3 hours less of sun in my daily life.
But I wanted to say, Happy New Year to all of you, if you still manage to read this. The new moon will happen in a few days and the Chinese New Year in a month, so happy new beginnings to everyone!